The following article is copied unashamedly, and with great admiration from the writings of Mr. Dave Dutton from his masterpiece : LANKY SPOKEN HERE.
BASIC EXPRESSIONS
AYE YES, NOW NO, SITHEE BEHOLD,
EIGH UP HELLO/WELL I NEVER/PLEASE MOVE,
THA WA? PARDON? DUST? DO YOU?
AST? HAVE YOU? ART? ARE YOU?
US'LL WE WILL, WORRELL WHAT WILL,
THEM'LL THEY WILL,
WORRIZIT? CAN I HELP YOU?
OWDONABIT JUST ONE MOMENT PLEASE,
EATING OUT IN LANCASHIRE
YISLUV? I AM READY TO TAKE YOUR ORDER, SIR.
MI BALLY THINKS ME THROOAT'S CUT I AM READY TO EAT,
AH CUD EIGHT A COW BETWEEN TWO BREAD VANS I AM VERY
HUNGRY, SHAPE THI-SEL WAITER PLEASE GET A MOVE ON,
SIDE TABLE WAITER , YOU MAY CLEAR THE TABLE,
OWTELSE? DO YOU REQUIRE ANYTHING ELSE , SIR?
AH'M O'ER-FACED THE ABUNDANCE OF FOOD HAS TAKEN AWAY MY APPETITE, FOTCH THREE CHEERS THERE ARE THREE OF US, WE REQUIRE THREE CHAIRS, EEZA PROPER TAY-BELLY MY FRIEND IS VERY FOND OF TEA, STOP SLAVVERIN' PLEASE KEEP YOUR MOUTH FROM WATERING, WHEERST PETTY? COULD YOU DIRECT ME TO THE CONVENIENCE?
DOOERSTEP THICK SLICE OF BREAD, MAGGY-ANN MARGERINE,
PIDGIN PEIGHS BLACK PEAS-A TASTY LANKY DISH SEEN AT FAIRS,
POBBIES PIECES OF BREAD IN HOT MILK, CORPORATION-POP
TAP WATER, GRACIE CHIPS GREASY CHIPS,
AT THE PUBLIC HOUSE.
FREEMAN'S TEKS SOME BEATIN' THE BEER IS BEST THAT IS BOUGHT FOR ONE, A PAHNT O' FLATRIB A PINT OF DARK MILD,
GEEUZA PAHNT O' GIRDER I WOULD LIKE A PINT OF GUINNESS, LANDLORD, ARRERS DARTS, BOWELS CROWN GREEN BOWLS,
( ALSO KNOWN AS WOODS), THIS ALE'S AW REET FUR PURRIN' ON CHIPS LANDLORD, YOUR BEER TASTES LIKE VINEGAR, WIV GINNIT SOME STICK WE HAVE CONSUMED A GOODLY QUANTITY OF BEER, 'EE'S TEKKIN A SWEETNER HOAM HE IS TAKING HOME A BOTTLE OF BEER , IN ORDER TO INGRATIATE HIMSELF WITH HIS WIFE, BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN AWAY TOO LONG, EE'S A REET ALE-CAN HE IS A POTENTIAL ALCOHOLIC, BACKER TOBACCO,
THIS IS FER 'OO KISSUS BETTY THIS IS TO DECIDE THE OVERALL WINNER (AT DARTS, CARDS OR DOMINOES, ETC), 'IS TAP'S STOPPED THE LANDLORD IS REFUSING TO SERVE HIM, EE'S NO CLACK IN 'IM or 'IS LEGS IS 'OLLER HE IS A PRODIGIOUS DRINKER,
SOD THIS FER A GAME O'SOWJERS I DON'T INTEND CARRYING ON ALONG THESE LINES, CHUKKIN EAWT TAHM CLOSING TIME,
THAT'S PEED ON'T CHIPS THAT IS VERY UNFORTUNATE,
PIE-EYED...KALIED...TANKED UP...SKENNIN' DRUNK.
DIVERSION - How to recognise a LANKY-CHAUVINIST
He uses toilet-paper with pictures of Eddie Waring, Michael Parkinson and Geoff Boycott on.
He never asks your opinion about Lancashire - he tells you.
His wife always walks three paces behind him - with a whip in her hand.
He has a soft spot for Southerners - the quicksands in Morecambe Bay.
He breaks wind loudly, then blames it on the dog.
He reckons the chip-pan is the greatest invention since the wheel.
That's him.....drinking your ale.
And now, back to the story........
FIGHTIN' TALK
ON YER BIKE DESPATCH YOURSELF HENCE ! , THA'LL COP IT NOW YOU ARE FOR IT MY FRIEND, THA'T NOWT A POUND I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU, AH'LL BANJO THI' YOU HAVE NO CHANCE AGAINST MY SUPERIOR FIGHTING POWERS, DUSTA WANT A KNUCKLE BUTTY? WOULD YOU LIKE TO FEEL MY FIST?, AH'LL CLOUT THI' LUG 'OLE I'LL BOX YOUR EARS, AH'LL 'AMMER THI I WILL HAMMER YOU, DUSTAGIVUP? HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH?
To be used only when you have gained the utmost respect, familiarity and affection of a Lancastrian, such as when you've bought him a pint in the pub.
The word thee can be used as a term to express real affection in such phrases as Ee ah luv thee, or ah've tekken ter thee.
But it can also be most insulting when used offensively, as when speaking to someone older than yourself, or in aggressive circumstances, such as 'Oi thee - ah'll punch thi nose tert back o' thi' face.
When used in unfortunate circumstances and the recipient feels offended, he will usually respond with 'Don't thee thee me, thee.
